Why the Farmville Mom Killed Her Baby:

This from Mashable:

A 22-year-old mother from Jacksonville, Florida, has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder for shaking her 3-month-old son to death after his crying interrupted her FarmVille game.

The mother, Alexandra V. Tobias, was arrested in January and declared her plea on Wednesday before Circuit Judge Adrian G. Soud, The Florida Times-Union reports.

She told investigators that she shook the baby, smoked a cigarette “to compose herself,” and proceeded to shake him again. The baby may have hit his head during one of the two shakings, she said.

FarmVille, named one of the “worst inventions” in recent decades by Time magazine, has more than 60 million members, most of whom access the game through Facebook. Some players have found it so addicting that they’ve lost their jobs and racked up debts north of $1,000.

Needless to say, it is Ms. Tobias — and not the game itself — that is responsible for the death of her 3-month-old son. This is not the first time that a virtual game has led to murder; in 2009, 28-year-old Joseph Johnson of Chicago was charged with first-degree murder after allegedly shooting his companion in the head while playing an Xbox game.

This death of a child is a tragedy of the highest order. And it really gets people going on an emotional level. It’s times like these that people start to ask questions like “what caused this?”  And the reason they ask this question is because they are looking for a scapegoat of explanation to make sense of how this young long haired blonde mother killed her 3-month-old baby in response to it crying and interrupting the mother’s Farmville game.  Sometimes others will not wait for an answer to the question and simply jump to the conclusion that “Farmville” itself… or other video games… have somehow had such a negative influence on society, that baby-killing has now become a symptom. Typically these conversations lead to CNN adding a sensationalist speaker to a discussion panel who is in favor of banning all violent video games (but wait… Farmville isn’t violent… it will be interesting to see who CNN can dig up on this). And still others will take the other side of the reactionary fence, shrugging it off as a “there’s just a percentage of the population that are f—ing wackos,” and remind us all that although it’s sad sometimes… “s–t happens”.

That said… there is a real answer to why the Farmville Mom shook her baby to death.  If you’d like to hear it, here is the exact explanation of why this kind of stuff occurs in the world, and what… exactly… was going on in this girl’s head to let a tragedy like this occur (by the way, this is a sneak peek of the new MBS model, which we will be unveiling soon that explains all human action, all human suffering, and all human emotion):

Why the Farmville Mom Killed Her Baby:

First, there are two extreme scenarios that puts our mommy into Farmville playing mode while there is a crying baby present, along with a number of potential shades of gray scenarios falling in between.

The first scenario is that the baby was crying inconsolably for a large amount of time, and regardless of the mother’s efforts, the baby would continue to cry.  It is in this scenario that a mother may try to escape the psychological brutality that is the mother’s perception of her own efforts.  Good mommies can quiet a baby.  But what does it say about a mom when she can’t quiet one?  When my wife was born, she was born with colic, and cried for 100 days straight, reportedly every waking hour of her early life.  If that happens, it can be a seemingly impossible scenario to deal with, and can drive even the most reasonable people to the end of their ropes.  This is the first potential scenario we must grant our Farmville Mom.

The second scenario is where Farmville Mom is simply addicted to Farmville so completely that she simply neglects her baby until he cries and interrupts her Farmville game (or doesn’t interrupt it as she lets him die of starvation).  He made it into month three, so we will assume this was not the case, and that reality actually falls somewhere in between the two scenarios.

But regardless of which of these scenarios were the reality, or whether the reality actually fell somewhere in between those two extreme situations, the truth about our Farmville Mom is that the reason she shook her baby to death is that she fell into the same trap that causes all internal and external conflict in the world: Attachment to a position so powerfully that it became a portion of her definition of self. And this is true if she was playing Farmville in an attempt to escape a constantly crying baby (which would actually be an attempt to escape the thought that she was “not a good mom” because she could not get the baby to stop crying), and it is also true if she was simply addicted to Farmville to a point that she would neglect or abuse a crying 3-month-old baby so she could get back to her game.  This explains both, and all shade of gray in between.

Regardless of why the mother started playing Farmville, the mother started playing Farmville.  And she became entranced with its positive and negative psychological reinforcements (especially if she was getting nothing but negative reinforcements from a constantly crying baby).  As that she identified with the game, and then started to create a virtual world which was birthed from her creativity… the game and the virtual world she created actually started to become an extension of her ego.  More accurately, it was added to the list of items she pointed to in her mind that helped her identify herself to the world.  “This farm is a part of my ‘me’,” is what was going on inside her head.  Thus, the farm she was tending started to become a representation of who she was.  In extreme scenario one, it could be said that the game was giving her the only sense of relief from the constant crying and frustration she was experiencing with the baby.  In extreme scenario two, it could be said that she was experiencing positive psychological effects only when the game gave them to her. (The best, newest and hottest game and product designers actually strive for this psychological reaction to occur with all their products, btw.)

So here’s how this situation created the emotional responses that allow her to kill her baby:

Groundwork (hang with me for this paragraph): The Equation of Emotion that exists within everyone’s mind is simple.  It is Expectation or Preference of reality… as compared to Reality as it is Perceived (by that individual)… and that comparison causes a resulting emotion.  EP – RP = ER.  Expectation/Preference – Reality as Perceived = Emotional Response.  If there’s a greater difference between the EP and RP, a negative emotion is the result.  If the EP and RP are similar or the same, a positive emotion is generated. The more powerful the attachment to the EP, the more powerful the emotional response.  (And if there is no EP, there is no emotional response.)  Each emotion has a strict definition connected with variables within the EP, but we’ll cover that later.  For now… you know enough to understand why the Farmville Mom killed her baby.  Moving on:

So… Farmville Mom has solidly connected her farm into her egoic definition.  Whether she is escaping the reality of an inconsolable baby, or whether she has now crossed over into getting her self worth from the game itself, Farmville is where she wants to be, and her farm has become a portion of her SELF.  So in her reality, if the farm suffers… SHE suffers.  Emotionally.  And in a very real way for her.  Technically… what happens is that if something bad happens on the farm, her Relative Egoic Valuation (see the digram) is decreased, which then gets fed into the Equation of Emotion.  And because Farmville Mommy’s EP is that she would rather have Egoic Valuation Increases instead of Decreases, Anger and Frustration are the result.  She would prefer happy. pleasing alerts, not unhappy alerts that in her reality attack something that is now firmly entrenched in her definition of self.  Because now each unhappy alert makes her a lesser person.  In addition, Worry is the fear that Egoic Valuation will decrease further, and is added to the situation.  (This is even the case if she is using Farmville as an escape from a crying child with colic that has already caused her emotional stress.)

So… without boring you with all the details that I’m going to cover in the 20 Basics videos about how the BMS model works under a microscope… at the point the baby starts crying, Farmville Mom experiences Frustration and Worry and a bit of Anger towards the baby (either associated with the farm, or associated that she is being forced to return to a reality that includes not being a good enough mommy to stop a baby from crying).

She so picks him up… and tries to get control of the situation. Or she tries to get the message into in HIS/HER head that she is in control, and that he/she needs to stop crying. Or she tries to distract him/her from crying by shaking him. Or she is just frustrated and angry and is simply lashing out at the only person in the room over which she can exert control (including herself).  Regardless of what her motives are to shake him… she shakes him.  And it is caused by the Relative Egoic Valuation decreases of either “being a bad person (mommy)” and/or “being a bad person (farmer)”.

BTW, Egoic Valuation conflicts occurring within the mind (as fed into the Equation of Emotion) are what causes all conflict in the world, both internal and external.

Now… it could be said that in a HEALTH-IER mom, a person could be driven by a large level of worry over the baby’s health, and that the worry about the baby (and that she was not being a “good mother”) would help her abandon Farmville and tend to the baby. What really happens in a health-ier mother is that the “not being a good mommy” label causes a Relative Egoic Valuation Decrease that is GREATER than that of “being a bad Farmville farmer” and thus… Mom is driven to pick up the baby, given the lesser of two evils.  And we call this reaction “healthy”.  ???

But in our Farmville Mom’s case, her attachment to her farm was more powerful than her attachment to being a good mom, or… at the time, Farmville was the only potential that mommy had for Egoic Valuation Increases while she was trapped in an environment where she was the mother of a constantly crying baby.  Note: It’s not necessarily true that her attachment to her farm was more than her attachment to her baby, but it may as well have been.

So… all that to say this: It doesn’t matter what the final emotional driver was that caused her to shake her baby to death… what actually caused the baby’s death was mommy’s mindful attachment to her valuation as a mommy or her mindful attachment to her valuation as a Farmville farmer (or a combination of both somewhere in the middle).  If she had not had the attachments to those Relative Egoic Valuations, she would not have experienced the negative emotions that drove her to shake her baby.

The problem with this situation is NOT in her lack of education or ‘morals’ that “being a good mommy” should have precluded and been more heavily weighted than her Farmville Valuation.  The problem is being trapped with the whole system of Egoic Valuation and attachment to those ideas period.  Without a powerful attachment to an Expectation or Preference, the Equation of Emotion loses all its bite and can’t cause these stressfully emotional situations that result in people dying.

THE REALITY:

If that Farmville Mom had been existent within Spirit, within the agape love for her child regardless of mindful attachment or Egoic valuation… it doesn’t matter how long that baby had been crying.  She would have tended to him/her anyway.  If that Farmville Mom had been present within the now that was her existence as Spirit in the environment of an unhappy baby, she could have overlooked the illusion that the crying baby reflected on her value as a mom.  If the Farmville Mom had been conscious of the fallacy of the relative egoic valuation involved with both a crying child, and/or with the success or failure of playing an online game, she could have released her attachments to both valuations immediately, and approached the crying child with an emotional neutrality that allowed for the underlying patience and compassion of a mother to shine through.

The problem that Farmville mom had… was the same problem that most of society has…  mindful attachments that become a portion of that person’s self (or collective self, in the case of nations).  Although some manifestations are worse than others (baby killing being amongst the worst), there are no healthy egoic attachments.  They all cause pain, suffering, and conflict.

It’s a fact that the same sickness that caused the Farmville mommy to shake her baby to death is the EXACT same sickness that a man has who is about to beat the shit out of his wife… it’s the same EXACT same sickness that a teenager has who is in the process of bullying a classmate… it’s the EXACT same sickness that someone has when they become obsessive about their career and neglect their family… it’s the EXACT same sickness that a devout follower of a religion has when they have thoughts that another religion’s followers are going to Hell… it’s the EXACT same sickness that a national political leader has when they send troops over to war.  This child killing incident only manifested in a different way, from a very personal level… but all incidents of this sickness are equally as evil, and they are all created by the same illusory mind driven processes.

It is when we realize the truth of Spirit together, that we will be devoid of these emotional and psychological chains that cause our internal pain and suffering, and that cause the pain and suffering of those around us (and around the globe).

I will explain the Body Mind Spirit model more in detail very soon, and I’ll explain in detail how all negative emotions come into being (in slow motion) so that you can remove them from your existence entirely.  For now, here’s hoping and praying that people quit shaking babies as a way to cope until we can better educate the world on how to eliminate their pain.

Peace.

 

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