Promises, Love and Listening To That Inner Voice

Hi Everyone,
Once upon a time it was easy for me to make a promise of love.
Being attached to the personality and all it’s wants and opinions I was confident I could predict how I would feel in the next moment and would argue for myself passionately. HA that makes me laugh now, so naive was I! How could I know?
NOW I know that we are eternally fluctuating, with the tides and times, according to the latest trend, our favourite book and the evolution of our soul!
Maybe this is simply what happens when you grow up or become disillusioned. When experience reveals that many promises simply cannot be kept no matter how much you want to keep them; promises that you have finally realised were no-one’s really to make. Hopefully by now experience has also shown that it was no-one’s fault they were broken.
It is comfortable to be angry with someone else for not keeping a promise because thinking they could have controlled their unexamined feelings we can
fool ourselves that it might be possible to control our own.
It is a double-edged sword, we want things ordered and safe in an effort to get through life without being hurt. So we try to keep to all the rules, saying the right things at the right times, hence statements like: I will love you FOREVER, I promise this, that and the other thing- poverty, chastity, I will never love another…..
Promises mostly made without taking the time to stop and listen to the inner voice, without asking ourselves; ‘is this really what I want and am I being true to me?’
The terrible payoff for unconsciously making and demanding vows is that we give up our self in the process. We push aside (or attempt to!) the growth that emerges through the many experiences that meet us on our path, in an effort to maintain the illusion of control.
I don’t think we are very kind to ourselves, I think we are spending too much time in conflict with our inner voices and for no other reason than that we are too scared to listen carefully to what the inner voice is actually saying (possibly because we arrogantly think we already know what it is going to say!).
But the inner voice is nothing more than a well set up, clearly defined guidance system, innocently letting us know in what direction we are heading and offering best case scenario alternatives each step of the way.
When we calm our bodies and minds enough to hear, we get the answers and our answers are far less likely to lead us into turmoil than our own habitual thought patterns (as they are the ones that steered us into a fearful situation in the first place!)
I wonder what would happen if we practiced active listening with ourselves? If we sat for a few minutes in the morning and listened to our thoughts, our panicky mind/ego may say, ‘I want to eat and eat and eat all day long without stopping’. 
Now, if we softened to ourselves, as we might do to an anxious child and allowed ourselves to hear, we may respond with something like; ‘I know darling and that’s okay, I love you anyway, there’s nothing wrong with you, that is just the way it feels and feelings change. What do you think makes you want to do that?’
As silly as it seems, if we took the time to dialogue with ourselves compassionately, do you think there would be so many misunderstood, frustrated people running around? I don’t think so, I think we would feel listened to, connected and cared for. Basically, we would be answering our own needs and not desperately making promises of eternal love in order to manipulate this connection out of another!
If only we could accept that the feelings and urges we have, are not who we are, that who I AM lies beneath the confusion and that I AM so wonderful that with a little bit of loving compassion from myself, I may uncover and relieve some of the yearning that keeps the veil over my awsomeness!
 
At the depth of it all we exist forever, we are love, it stands strong in that context then, that we automatically love forever. This has little, if anything to do with anybody else. We don’t need to make promises or try to keep others near because the simple truth of our existence is promise enough.
Promises are beautiful, they are poetry and ignite the essence of love within our being. But in themselves they are like clouds, in flux, floating, wisping out and changing with the wind.
The only unmalipulative promise that can be made with conscious awareness is one to Love (with a big L! see blog post by same title), in the knowledge that life is a dynamic experience and we have the capacity and right to follow our inner truth no matter what.
When we embrace our inner voice by being willing to LISTEN, we soon see that life holds magic and wonder to fulfil our soul at every turn. We don’t NEED to grasp greedily at one other, expecting them to meet every need and yearning, and promising the lie that we are able to do the same.
The beauty of releasing ourselves from these promises is that our beings quicken to life and we are filled with universal sparkles and opportunities, we feel fulfilled and enthused. This state of being is an awesome magnet for your partner or partner to be to respond in kind!
The other secret payoff is that when we connect in this way, satisfaction abounds and we are far more likely to sink into true and tantric union with our chosen one…forever…now… the difference is negligable.
Until next time,
keep breathing,
Arna
PS- Teaching the kids to listen with daily Emotional Intelligence Education in the classroom will serve us all well in the not too distant future!

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