My Enlightenment Experience – I AM 0020

 

 

For the script notes…

 

 

If you have ever wanted to hear someone actually speak about their spiritual enlightenment experience, you’re in for a treat, because I am going to do just that for you. You may think I’m crazy at the end of this episode, but I don’t care. Because I am probably crazy… GO!

[Open]

Welcome to the I AM Podcast, where we answer all the questions about spirituality and inner peace that you ever wanted to ask, and where we learn the secrets of humanity and divinity through a better understanding of both. I am your host, Sean Webb.

Okay, so… over the last couple episodes, we discussed the Spirit, and the experience called the enlightenment that is the phenomenon of having a dramatic awakening to Spirit, which for dramatic and scope setting purposes, I called “meeting God.”

And so today… so as to remove all ambiguity about what I am talking about… I am going to explain to you my experience of enlightenment. The portion I can explain in words, anyway. There’s some of it… that’s just too mind blowing to be able to describe. And hopefully… this will give you a better understanding of what we’re talking about on the right side of the Body Mind Spirit model.

Okay… so… my search for truth began years ago. As a kid I had a typical broken home story… lived on the wrong side of the tracks… super poor… got into trouble as a kid… saw the inside of a jail cell before I could drive… and basically because of my gift of intelligence… was able to turn that around… went into the military… put myself through college… and started to build a pretty solid career.

Now… fast forward to a time in my life where everything is great. I’m unmarrried and making six figures at the age of 27, I’m driving a luxury import sedan, I’ve got a hot girlfriend, I’m living in Ft. Lauderdale, and my company wants to allow me to write my own ticket for advancement. Everything sounds great right?

But there’s a little problem with that scenario. I wasn’t happy. I SHOULD have been. I mean, I had attracted everything I wanted to have from a worldly accomplishments perspective. But I wasn’t happy.

So I thought… maybe a bigger city and more money is the answer. So I took a promotion to Atlanta, bought a house, and kept doing well at work. I met some new friends, dated more hot girls, including a couple longer relationships… went out and danced and partied 4 nights a week… had a blast… but still… even after those changes. There was still something that wasn’t right.

So I started to look for what was missing. Now… you might say “so you turned to religion, right?” But the thing was… I was strong in my faith already, and I had what I perceived to be a good relationship with God. After I had straightened my teenage life out, I was youth group President at my church for 4 years, I was a “born again Christian”, which I now realize… was an illusion in comparison to what I’m about to tell you… but at the time… I was comfortable with what I was told was God by the church, and I had a good deal of faith. But at the same time… I did also start to study some world religions, and the commonality of world faiths… to maybe see if there was something I was missing.

So I started re-reading the Bible, and added some other religious texts like the Gnostic gospels… I read the Koran… and the Bhagavad Gita, and some philosophical texts like the Tao te Ching. I picked up books on Buddhism, including one on Zen by D.T. Suzuki. And I learned about the concept of meditation.

So fast forward a little bit to when I was meditating one idle afternoon. I had started with a quiet prayer in my head. Reaching out with what I perceived as the core of my being, I called out silently to God. “If you want me to know, I’m here.” And then I started mentally reviewing some of the latest things I had read in the Gospel of Thomas and from D.T. Suzuki’s book on Zen when I thought of a Zen Mondo:

And it goes… A monk asked Yueh-shan, “What does one think of while sitting?” “One thinks of nothing,” the Master replied. “How does one think of not thinking?” the monk asked? “By not thinking,” the Master said.

Now… I knew the basic idea of Zen was to sit in contemplative meditation, stepping away from conscious thought, until a “satori” happened. A satori, although being another word for enlightenment, is explained within Zen Buddhism as the immediate understanding of basically… everything. So thinking I’d really take another crack at not thinking during my meditation that day (I’d tried it multiple times before, but it’s really tough to do). So anyway, I began to calm my mind. I put all the focus I had in the world, into not thinking.

At first, it was very difficult to quiet my mind. I heard music. I saw images. Memories flew in unexpectedly. And I’d even just find myself off on some mental tangent. Slowly however, through the minutes as I relaxed and focused myself back onto not thinking… it got easier and easier to allow my mind to clear itself. Humorously, I would occasionally have thoughts like, “am I thinking anything?” Then I would have to start the process over again of clearing my mind. “Think of nothing,” I would start again. Pretty soon, it got to a point where as thoughts would enter my mind, they would simply fly through like they were a passing jet airliner overhead. They would make their noise on the way to another destination, taking my attention for just an instant, but ultimately having no impact on my existence, and being gone a moment later.

When the conscious thoughts all cleared, I was able to start to feel what it was like to have my mind be totally silent. It was actually a little weird, but it was also very calming. It was the first time ever I didn’t have that familiar inner voice saying something… judging something… analyzing something… classifying something. It was the first time in my entire life that within my mind there existed nothing but stillness. Thankfully, I didn’t let the actual thought “this is weird” into my head. I just sat and listened to the sound of existence, enjoying this new experience, and watching my mind in its absolute quietude.

And it was then that I began to feel something. It was a feeling like none other I had ever experienced before. It felt like some sort of energy had started building within me. It started as a small concentrated “glow” at first, a sort of powerful warmth coming from within my chest. And it was nice at first. But then it began to grow, and when it did, it grew exponentially. Moment by moment, it expanded in intensity and clarity, becoming bigger, stronger and more distinct every instant. My senses were immediately overwhelmed. Taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing, had either all shut down, or were being blocked by the rush of energy that was beginning to engulf me. The enormousness of this feeling had come out of nowhere, and was suddenly bigger than anything I had ever experienced in my entire lifetime. I could no longer feel anything under me supporting by body. I felt weightless. I could no longer hear anything entering through my ears, not even the sound of my own breathing. The darkness of my closed eyelids was replaced by the brightness of a white light that was accompanying the building energy. I could feel my molecules actually start to vibrate at some sort of resonant frequency. Time stood still. And as strange and exhilarating as it was… as I laid there in interest quickly approaching a point of being overwhelmed… it was showing no signs of stopping.

I had started my meditation in a relaxed state, fully awake and aware, simply… meditating… but now… now I started to experience a little fear due to the overwhelming experience that was even now still building. I inhaled sharply, holding that breath. The energy was growing to levels that were now becoming alarming. No perceivable thoughts had yet entered my mind, but through that mist of non-thought, there was definitely a general feeling of being in over my head… which was then immediately followed by a realistic awareness that there might be a great sense of danger here. What was happening? My eyes were closed, yet I was going blind with a brightness of a light. I couldn’t hear anything outside my body, yet a vibration of energy was humming so loudly within me that it shook the particles of physical existence both within and without. I knew I was lying on the bed in the bedroom of my house, but I couldn’t feel anything supporting my body from passing through the not just the bed, but the floor, and Earth itself. This experience was actually beginning to scare me.

And as it continued, out of the weightless feeling and the constantly building level of energy, I began to feel like I was losing my grip on the world itself… possibly slipping away into some other dimension, but at the very least… losing the grip on the time and place where I had started my meditation. It almost felt like my body was no longer where I put it, or more accurately that my spirit was slipping from the confines of my body’s form.

And I think it was at that moment that some thoughts had tried to form in my mind. Because I remember thinking, “Am I dying?” Am I having a heart attack? Am I having a stroke? Is this some kind of hallucination? Why can’t I move? What is going on here? Did I fall asleep and this is this a dream? Why can’t I stop this?

I had not yet started breathing again. And I felt like I was losing my grasp on my physical existence itself. And this is when the real fear kicked in. I was horrified. I was actually on the verge of panic at this point. I felt this energy build-up was on the verge of spinning way out of control, and I wanted no part of it. I was clinging so tightly so as not to leave my body, because I thought I was dying, and I thought I was fighting for my very life… and I was looking for a way to try and stop the whole thing… when from out of nowhere, I felt the idea of two words that simply burst in and interrupted the fear and surprise I was feeling.

And I didn’t hear the words but I felt them. And they came out of no where to say, Let go.

And at first I was like… well fuck that. I’m not going to just give up and die. I thought it might be my subconscious just giving up. I was gonna fight to survive.

But then again the feeling of those two words came through a second time, but this time… seemingly with a force that shook the whole universe. LET GO!

And I was still like… I don’t want to die! I got too much good stuff going on. Too many people will miss me. My Mom’s really old and needs help. But… that last LET GO! was pretty damn powerful, so I was starting to question whether I should. And so came the moment where I was facing a choice. Should I try to hang on to my world, and not leave my body, and my thoughts, and my very life? Should I try not to relinquish my existence and fight to stay alive? Or should I trust the feeling that was being communicated to let go.

And it was at that moment of choice, where I was terrified by the level of energy building inside me… where I thought I was dying and being pulled out of the world itself… where that energy started to transition into an indescribable and unbounded feeling of love… and where a final repetition of that same message came through… but this one was almost like a whisper in my ear from someone that I had known forever and trusted implicitly, who was hugging and enveloping my very being. It was a very comforting, very personal… let go.

And there was no more resistance from me at that point. I surrendered. If I am dying, so be it. I wanna be with whatever that is.

My body exhaled slowly, as how I might imagine it would if that breath were my last breath on this Earth. I let go my grasp on where I was, on who I was, on what I was… I let go of absolutely everything. I surrendered ALL! I had been told through some feeling that I trusted implicitly to let go, and I did. I let go of everything. My inner balance faltered, and I experienced what I can only describe as spiritually falling backwards into the vortex of energy that was still even now growing. The light that I had perceived engulfed me. The vibrating hum I was perceiving felt like it ripped my very molecules apart, atomizing me into billions of particles that mixed in with whatever was happening. I had actually become part of the vortex of energy. My hum of existence was in complete sync with that of God and the universe. I was not breathing. I was not thinking. I was… just… not…

Now… about what came next. First and foremost, the underlying base of the entire experience was accompanied by an overwhelming and absolute feeling of pure love and complete acceptance. Upon being consumed by the vortex of energy, the first thing I experienced was a pure and unlimited love. But really, it was more than that. I was loved and I WAS love. I was accepted and I WAS acceptance. I felt that my body had either dematerialized, or my spiritual presence had left my body entirely. Truthfully, I accepted that I had passed into the afterlife. I was dead. There were no physical senses of sight, sound, smell, touch or taste. Everything I perceived, I perceived as feeling. I saw images not through my eyes. I heard sounds not through my ears. Everything I saw and heard I loved, and everything I learned I accepted. I gotta tell ya… this was not my human nature to do so, but I was being guided to do so by the mixture of existence that was created when I was drawn into the vortex of energy, and engulfed by the light that accompanied it. It was almost like I was along for the ride on this thing, and I didn’t mind a bit.

At that time, and even still now… there was not and is not a shred of doubt within me that the experience I was having was that of being with God. There was no white bearded man on a throne. There was no long haired Jesus, or Mohammed, or Buddha in flowing robes to greet me. There was only the light, the humming vibration of existence, and a love that transcended any feeling of love that I had ever experienced before.

I was beyond being me. There was no more me. I was beyond body. I was beyond mind… and I had been enveloped and become one with love itself. And that… was when the amazing stuff started. Because what followed next simply blew me away. Because along with the unlimited unconditional love, there was also an incredible and unlimited intelligence present. And being part of it all meant being part of that intelligence. And at that moment I started being flooded with answers. All the answers to every question that had ever been asked by man flew through my existence like a billion gallons of water being forced through a screen door. At times it was overwhelming. It was like drinking from a fire hydrant. That said, just as it would get to a point where it seemed like there was too much to take in, the flow of energy and information tapered enough to balance the levels and calm the turbulence. It was as if God had plugged me into His own intelligence and understanding of the universe, being willing to freely share it, and yet was also somehow protecting me from becoming overwhelmed by controlling the flow of information so that the screen door of my existence didn’t get ripped off its hinges. I learned a thousand lifetimes of wisdom in just a few seconds. And in those few seconds… I learned all the answers about God… all the answers about life… the comprehensive explanation to the meaning of it all… and the answer to the question “why?”

And all that… is just where it started. From there we went on a tour of the human condition. I was shown how all the moving parts in organic life come together, and how it’s all intelligent. Then I was given a very important lesson where I was shown some horrible human atrocities… where I should have been repulsed… where I should have had some sort of negative emotional reaction… but all I felt was pure love and pure compassion… for both the victims… AND the bad actors. And I got the feeling this was a very important lesson… because the compassion for the bad actors was just as powerful as it was for the victims, because… the feeling was that they were lost… they were separated from God by their mindful illusions, and they were in pain themselves in that separation, and they were causing harm to others when it’s not in their true nature to do so. There was a real compassion and unconditional love for the bad guys, and it blew me away. And by the way… it came along with a knowledge that they would eventually be reintegrated with that love and compassion of God’s that creates everything in the universe.

And then I saw some mass human death and destruction, but the feeling of love and compassion persisted… and without a need to do anything to intervene. Because the people who died were simply reintegrated with the source, everything came back to the life energy that transcends the body and mind… and everything simply continued to be all good… just like it was before the event. And life adapted… as its designed to do.

And after countless other lessons on compassion and love… because this went on for a while… I found myself in control of the tour bus. And I hit the gas. I got to look at the entire universe. All at once. All the galaxies. The circular infinite model that makes it all up. I got to perceive the illusion of time. I got to see how space folds back onto itself and connects things that we see as unimaginable distances but that are the same exact place. Then I got to zoom in and see the breakdown of energy itself. Down into the fundamental squiggles that make up everything… that are not only an empty nothingness… but that carry the intelligence of God everywhere instantaneously. It’s really crazy… like beyond explanation.

And this went on for hours… we’re still not even scratching the surface of the whole experience. There are some portions that my mind… still can’t get its arms wrapped around. And there are some things I’m just not gonna share… I mean… maybe on my death bed. Probably not even then.

And this is probably a good place to stop anyway 1) words can’t do this experience justice, and it would be impossible for me to formulate the sentences to be able to convey anything meaningful about some of the most profound moments. And 2) because I would rather have you… discover this experience for yourself and encounter it firsthand… because if you wind up just believing what I say… and you don’t go find it for yourself… you’re thrown right back into a situation of having faith instead of knowledge… and look where that has taken us over the last few thousand years. No, you need to replace faith in God with knowledge OF GOD. By meeting God directly.

Because after you meet God, you’ll see so much more in the Bible that you didn’t see the first ten times you read it… it’s like a different book… and you’ll be able to recite your own Tao te Ching… you won’t need Lao Tzu’s… and you’ll understand the Bhagavad Gita like you wrote it yourself.

And don’t go thinkin’ I’m special, because I’m not. This whole little story… is about an experience that YOU are meant to have. And it’s one you SHOULD have, because even though I thought I was dead… I was with God in Heaven, and I didn’t give a shit I was dead. I was awash in the agape type love and acceptance you only read about in books. And it seemed like a lifetime had passed… when I took my first breath of my new life… and I realized I wasn’t actually dead. And I have a suspicion that’s REALLY what being born again actually means. Because I thought I was born again before… I was TOLD I was born again before… HA! Not even on the same planet, let alone in the same ballpark.

So… anyway… to wrap up… I don’t know how long I wasn’t breathing, but my body seemed starved for oxygen. The white light… at the point I started breathing again… was receding, but receding with it was every bit of pain and suffering… every bit of doubt and spiritual uncertainty… that I had ever experienced. What receded with that dimming light was my misunderstanding of how I thought pain and suffering was just a part of life… it isn’t… and in addition what receded was my misunderstanding that us regular humans can’t possibly live give unconditional love and compassion. We can. In those moments, pain and suffering had left me, and pure love and compassion had become my first nature.

And although I hadn’t felt them up until that moment, tears were streaming down my face. Love for everything in the universe had filled my heart. I could still see the energy that made up the material things in my bedroom. I could now feel the energy in bed under me. I was right exactly where I had left myself… but at the same time… everything was new, and I was a brand new guy. And all I could think to utter were the words… Thank You. And I bawled like a baby, just repeating Thank You… for I don’t know how many minutes.

That moment… was all that I had ever needed, and it was more than I had ever asked for. And I was grateful. From that point forward, my life has been awesome. I have not been plagued by the pain and suffering that most of the world experiences. I understand stuff I shouldn’t be able to understand but that helps me help people. I got no complaints.

So I quit my six digit job. Sold most my stuff. And started to try to figure out how to tell it… to share it… and so now have a FREE video podcast that is explaining spirituality and inner peace, and is explaining for the first time in history… the slow motion process of how things like anger, sadness, and fear actually come into existence within the mind, and why they do… and we talk about it in simple everyday terms with real life examples. And I hope it helps. Please let me know if it does. Sean@IAMPodcast.com

Ya know… Jesus said “narrow is the gate and the path that lead to life, and few are the number who will find it”. Buddha said a man becoming enlightened is as rare as if a sea turtle coming up for a breath every hundred years were to stick his head through a knot in a piece of wood floating on the surface of the ocean.

But I think… if we start teaching people what’s possible beyond the standard messages of some blind religious leaders who are just repeating what they’ve been told… we could introduce some people to the option of them getting the truth from the horse’s mouth. And if they find that natural love and compassion that’s within them… and that life without pain and suffering they were meant to have… the one that’s full of joy… the world could be a much better of a place to live, and a much better place to leave to our kids. What do you think? See you next week. Peace.

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9 Comments

  1. I am speechless….Thank You Sean.  Whatever happened to you – I want it.  Please keep sharing.  Seriously.

    Reply
  2. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but your whole experience sounds like a very simple acid trip. Or some other hallucinogen. There is a context where you mostly hear about those drugs in terms of music and partying and meaningless swirling visuals, but another major portion of the experiences are just things like you’ve spoken of there — existential, divine, cosmological, philosophical, human, emotional, revelational, etc.

    I’m not sure what such an observation might add, if anything, but it is clear that many other experiences people have that are termed “enlightenment experiences” do not sound so directly like an entheogenic journey, so maybe it’s worth a mention.

    Reply
    • Actually, it sounds more like a DMT trip than an LSD trip, which in my case is what it actually might have been. Pick up Dr. Rick Strassman’s book DMT The Spirit Molecule. In it he chronicles his experiments with intravenous DMT under controlled conditions. Participants in the study relate similar stories to mine. Our brain makes DMT naturally, and could be e catalyst of all enlightenment / mystical experiences.

      FYI, if you want a more scientific discussion of the enlightenment experience, check out episode 100.

      What is interesting to me, is how my understanding of consciousness and energy parallels the world’s leading experts in their fields, where my village idiot positions came from my experience of enlightenment (and which were published in podcast before the latest works of David Eagleman, Antonio Damasio, and the latest from Robt. Lanza and Neil Theise, which all support my previously crazy rants about cellular consciousness and quantum mechanics having intelligence), and where their’s came from a life’s work of study and experimentation.

      Reply
  3. WOW! What an amazing experience! I had an experience similar to yours. It was pretty much exactly like the first half ( or so) of your enlightenment, but I “woke up” before you had begun seeing horrific images where you felt love and compassion. I was driving at the time and although I was overcome by love and my senses were going wild I reminded myself I was driving and pulled myself back to reality. Maybe I could have had a full enlightenment experience… maybe it was an awakening… who knows. Thank you for sharing and it has encouraged my spiritual journey :)

    Reply
  4. Why do you think these things were safe guarded in ancient times? What was the purpose of posting this video?

    Reply
    • They were safeguarded because of the assumption that all enlightenment experiences are individualized to a certain degree, and that a master should not share his experience so as not to taint or influence the experience of another. In addition, the experience itself goes beyond verbal explanation, which makes it hard to talk about, which is another reason for the silence. Now… the individualized experience part is true to a minor point, however now we know through science and communications technologies that the underlying fundamental process is the same among all humans. And with 30-35% of the world walking around having had a similar (although mostly less dramatic) experience, it’s time to break the silence. People should be talking about their similar but different experiences so as to share data and build a community.

      My purpose in sharing this video was to inspire others to seek their own enlightenment experience, as that I know it will change their life for the better permanently. If you are suggesting I am satisfying some sort of egoic need in putting it out there, what was YOUR purpose for posting YOUR comment? I am speaking to an attachment-to-an-idea that I stand behind. You do the same. Difference? No one is a Buddha when they speak even a single word.

      Reply
  5. thank you for sharing this, everything you have described had been something i had experienced a year ago after loosing so much in my life, relationship, job, home. i would like to say though that although i had the experience, i now am confused by the fact that i no longer experience myself in such a way. i actually feel like i have hit a brick wall in spirituality, very confused as to why it ended, and why i had been brought back. at the time of it, i found a grace within and all around, and it felt pure, but after some time within this period of grace, i felt a force pull me back to my body. i feel like i have done something wrong, and i feel horrible, work and relationships with anyone feels very difficult, i am extremely depressed and filled with guilt, shame,at times i feel like the worst person to exist, i can no longer see like i used to, scripture has become difficult as well to read but i am searching again, so i might be able to find that light again, share in that light with others. any help where to begin back on that journey would be greatly accepted.

    Reply
  6. I got enlightened today. So I was checking if what I felt is the same every body who gets enlightened feel the same.

    And yes I felt the same .

    Thanks you!

    Reply
  7. i had been interested in this idea of enlightenment and inner peace through a philosopher named alan watts. i listened to him for months on youtube and didn\’t realize at first that in all his videos hes circling around the same idea. alan watts died in 1970 but he had a mass collection of videos on youtube which i watched. so i became so interested in this it became my daily routine although i had places to go and things to do to contemplate these things. peacefully bringing up and answering my own questions 24 hours a day. i did this for a few months and i also in this time was smoking weed and was actually known as a stoner in y school. one day when i was smoking w a friend i went home and on the way home was gaining such clarity and when i got home was just sitting on the couch (still high for the most part) getting all these answers. now i cant explain what answers bc i don\’t even remember having questions after the experience. but i wrote in my notes everything i was experiencing bc i knew i was high and i wanetd to see if i maintained, which i did. my mistake tho was that i kept smoking,and my light dimmed and even faded completely at points and after realizing the relationship of this stopped smoking. but i do not believe you even need such a dramatic series of events to be enlightened, it could instantaneous for you or it could be as big as seans experience, all i know is you get the same result, the barrier of the internal world and the external world disappears and you know (not think not have a theory not contemplate) you know w all your heart that you are one. you stop clinging to things because when you cling your placing one thing above another when they are all the same. and you then get some very weird experiences in everyday life bc you no longer pick sides bc you feel bad for everyone in a bad situation bc they do not know they are one. you cant just tell people there one tho bc they wont understand the magnitude of it. just look around! its all god, and you are god! so by tht logic there is no you. you see this is what Buddha meant when he said you suffer bc you desire and all desire lies in ignorance . gods light (you are god) is always right infront of you but your so desperate to be somewhere else (which is also gods light) that you suffer. you need desire tho or wed be wandering ghosts. this is where the illusion arises. just focus on whatever your doing intently, let your energy flow into walking sitting or listening. stop clinging to other things because theyre all the same! all you all one.

    Reply

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