In a very rare occurrence, God has chimed in on the gay marriage debate, responding to Chick Filet’s announcement last week that they do not support gay marriage, by striking down Chick Filet’s Chief of PR.
“In taking a position against gay marriage, Chick Filet, along with the Boy Scouts of America are simply adding fuel to the fire that separates individuals from their brethren, and thus separating people from my word, and Jesus’ primary messages to love all unconditionally, and not to judge anyone for any reason. The fact is that I love everyone equally,” said God to reporters. “I make people a certain number of people gay as a population control mechanism, which makes sense in the grand sceme of things, which is why you see homosexual behavior in animals, but I certainly do not wish any of my wonderful gay people to live a life devoid of partnership or emotional and physical love.”
God added before disappearing into a cloud of smoke, “Besides, I needed Don in Heaven for a special project coming up in December, so this was just convenient timing.”
Reporters were floored by the announcement, and that God Himself appeared to make the announcement, and did not send one of His standard messengers, such as the Pope or Pat Robertson. Speculation is that God wanted to ensure His message was not again twisted by the minds of men who have personal positions against gay marriage.
[Just thought this tongue-in-cheek headline was too obvious not to be written somewhere. Condolences to the family, but death happens. ;-)]
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