If you want to have a life of troubled relationships… stop watching right now. But if you want to understand the difference between false and illusionary love and real true love… keep watching. Because today we’re going to talk about the intricacies of how love works within our human existence. GO!
Welcome to the I AM Podcast, where we answer all the questions about spirituality and inner peace that you ever wanted to ask, and where we learn the secrets of humanity and divinity through a better understanding of both. I am your host, Sean Webb.
When I say the word love what do you think of? Kissing? Turning the lights out? Leaving the lights on? Do you think of roses, and picnics, and holding hands through walks in the park? Do you think of hugs? Do you think of your children if you have them? Do you think of your pets? How about this one…?
Do you think of love for your fellow human beings? Do you think of love of strangers? Do you think of love of your enemies?
There’s a reason that we THINK of love in certain ways. There’s a reason that we FEEL love in unique ways. And there’s a reason that unconditional love is so rare in the world and usually only exists for children sometimes. It’s because there are actually three kinds of “love” that exist under the umbrella of human existence, and predictably enough… they are connected with the three components of human existence… the Body, the Mind, and Spirit.
The Body has love. It’s called physical attraction. Lust. Sexuality. Randiness. And it’s a pretty powerful driver for many of us in the world. If you’ll remember in episodes 15 and 16, we talked about the Body’s consciousness, and how it communicates with our consciousness to give us clues about it’s needs. Well, one of its big needs is to replicate cellular life in the form of babies. It is built into God’s system that evolution occur so as to sustain life in ever changing environments. And so everything must die so as not overpopulate a given environment, and everything must reproduce itself so that God’s evolution system may work.
Studies have shown that our bodies have a LOT of influence on how attracted we are to our potential mates. In all our bodies, we have MHC genes, which basically outline our immune system’s capabilities. And in the 1970s it was shown that fish and mice choose mates with MHC profiles that are dissimilar to each other, so that those MHC profiles combine and create offspring that are stronger and more immune to diseases. Survival of the fittest, right?
Well… in 1995 a study by Doctor Claus Wedekind showed that we humans also seem to prefer mates with different MHC profiles than our own. And follow up research even suggested that people who are in a relationship with someone with a different MHC profile… cheat less in their relationships. Scientific fact.
And in short… this is what we’re talking about when we talk about Body love. We’re talking about physical attraction… both sensual… vision related, touch related, auditory related, etc., and also pheromone related.
We’re talking about lust. About physical excitement. About sexual urges. The Body has influence into our consciousness when it communicates its preferences through our minds… and those communications are the result of Body love.
Now, although Body love is a very real portion of our existence, from a strict real love false love standpoint, body love is a FALSE love. It’s not really love at all. It has everything to do with the body’s replication of cellular life, and… while I’m not saying sex is bad… no, no… sex GOOD… in the spiritual sense, body love is not true Love.
Relationships often run onto the rocks when one or both partners in a relationship succumb to the urges of body love with someone else. Although there are often mindful influencers that act as a catalyst to get the ball rolling, eventually it is the fact of getting all hot and bothered… that at the critical moment… pushes someone into the act of sexual infidelity. Now… we’re gonna break down that whole phenomenon in future episodes. But for now let’s just leave that there and move into mindful love.
Mind love. A.K.A. romantic love, affection, fondness, endearment, adoration, infatuation, etc.
Mind love is a little more complicated than Body love, however does fit our model of the mind and how it works, and.. believe it or not… IS generated by the SAME Equation of Emotion that generates anger, hate, sadness, fear, etc. So how does mind love work?
Well Mind love is a conditional love. And basically those conditions are set [@] by the ego. When you meet someone and fall in love, it is because that person has triggered a number of things in your mind that agree with you. Of course, it could start with a Body love experience… that flash of adrenaline when your eyes first meet… that biochemical reaction of when you first touch… make no mistake… the cells within your Body are weighing in at that moment, and it IS affecting your mind love reaction. But beyond that, Mind love starts to happen when the person in question starts to agree with your Ego – your mind’s understanding of self. Example.
Ladies… Prince Charming comes along. He’s handsome, successful, has a good sense of humor, and is all about being with you. The reason you like him is that 1) underneath the covers of your mind… you want to see yourself as a woman who can attract a handsome, successful, funny, affectionate man… so that agrees with you… 2) you want to be treated well, and he does that for you… so the Equation of Emotion spits out good stuff there… 3) you start to like that his mindful ideas and positions on things are acceptable or agreeable with yours, and/or you start to let his positions influence yours… which meets with your Ego’s approval… and 4) being with him basically improves your self image… not how you see that others see you, although that may play into it also… but at a more fundamental level… how you see yourself.
And all these things… feed into the Equation of Emotion… which then meets or exceeds your expectations or preferences… which cause happy feelings for you, over and over.
And unlike a sadness or depression which comes from a degenerative loop within the ego that feeds on itself… THIS scenario becomes a RE-generative loop of positive emotion that starts feeding on itself.
Great guy feeds ego, increased ego feeds ego… all dependent on Prince Charming’s presence and actions… and of it mixes together with the body’s biochemical reactions, and you fall in love.
I am sorry that I am taking the romance out of love here, but we are not about painting over the truth here… we’re about getting to the real truth which by the way is much better than what we’re losing.
Because besides… THIS love… this emotional love… is a conditional love… it’s not a true love… and here’s the litmus test… if Prince Charming suddenly starts showering affection on other women while you’re dating… or sleeps with someone else… or maybe he moves in with you and quits his job… or maybe he gains 100 pounds and plays X-Box every waking moment he’s not doing something else… suddenly… you’re not so taken with the guy. And that’s because he is no longer ingratiating to your ego anymore. He is no longer fitting in your mind. He’s no longer making you feel good about yourself by being with him.
And this is why a lot of relationships that start out as passionate romances… fizzle… after a few years. Because this romantic love… this emotional love… as much as it’s great when it happens, and as much as we love to see it in movies… and as much as we like to read about it in books… is a FALSE love. Yes… it can and often does grow into something more substantial which long term relationships can be built on… but if all you have is romantic love… if all you have is emotional love… you’re in trouble… because generally speaking romantic love is not a love based on a true unconditional love for the other person, but more a love based on your love of yourself… a love of your ideas… a love of how you feel when you’re with that person… a love of how you are being treated by that person… and a love of how you see yourself with that person. Because when that stuff changes… is when the relationship sours and here come the divorce papers.
Guys, same for you. She appreciates football, she drinks beer, she gives your friends a hard time, and she’s got nice hooters, and she loves giving… ahem. Yeah right. And you’re like, “I’m in”. I’m kidding. But you get the point. You find someone who you like to be with… and why do you like to be with her? Well, she’s attractive to you. She’s affectionate to you. Maybe she cooks your favorite meal. She makes you feel special to be with her. And basically you like your life better now than it was BEFORE you were with her. All things… that are ingratiating to your own mindful understanding of your existence… aka your ego. It’s not ALL a love for her. It’s mostly a love for yourself and what you have become now that you’re with her. And yes… there can be some true admiration for who she is as a human being mixed in with that. There can be an honest I-want-her-to-be-happy-even-if-we-split-up type feeling. But more often than not… break-ups / divorces when emotional love dies don’t turn into an I-love-her-and-wish-the-best-for-her situation… no…
and that’s because this mind love… this emotional love… is a FALSE love… that is based on a love of yourself… and when the person in your relationship is no longer doing it for you…
doing it for… who?
…when that person no longer is in the good graces of your mind… you fall out of love with them and then take months or years to end the relationship… which is another thing we’ll eventually talk about.
Now… we will get to how you can change this characteristic, and change the dynamics of this system so you are no longer affected by false love, and where it can be replace by true divine love… the love that was MEANT to be a part of your life… but for this episode… THIS is the Body Mind Spirit 101, where we’re just talking basics. We’ll start the good stuff and hit how can you use this information to have better relationships soon.
Okay… so… we’ve covered the two FALSE loves that exist within us. Let’s now discuss the one TRUE love that exists within us… [@] that love being the love of the Spirit. a.k.a. Agape. God’s love. Unconditional love. The love for all existence and everything in it.
Scholars and theologians have argued that Agape… a true unconditional love… altruism… cannot be exist within man. And that assertion… is false…. and anyone with kids can tell you it’s false. True unconditional love exists… and is generated by the Spirit within. YES! Outside the parent / child relationship, unconditional love is rare… and that’s partly because most relationship love emanates from the judging condition-bound mind… but also partly because there are so few people in the world who actually have a solid connection with Spirit. And that’s why it takes something as dramatic as the birth of a child to draw it out in people.
Spirit love is unconditional because it emanates from beyond the mind. The mind is the thing that judges things to be worthy of love. The Spirit… just… loves. Period. There is no judgement there. There is no qualification for love that you love me first… or that you meet certain minimum qualifications that please me so as to be loved. The Spirit IS love and DOES love. And it’s in those rare occasions that present themselves… like having kids… where you discover that Spiritual… unconditional love exists.
Enlightenment triggers unconditional love, because enlightenment introduces you to Spirit. I used to be a guy who called himself a Christian, who loved those around me… who helped those in need who I deemed were worthy of my help… but who also saw groups of people that I considered my enemy. People of different religions. People in certain foreign countries. Even though I was supposedly a religious man, I saw people in the world who I judged as not quite worthy of love. And so the love I had within me… was a FALSE love. A conditional love.
Post enlightenment… where I was introduced to God face to face so to speak… I learned about the unconditional love for my enemies which Jesus spoke about. I learned about the unconditional love for the bum laying in his own urine in the gutter because of his drug habit. I learned about the unconditional love for people of other religions… in other countries… regardless of whether they want to kill me or not. I learned about the unconditional love for the guy who may want to sleep with my wife… and the unconditional love for my wife… if she winds up sleeping said guy. Doesn’t mean I would select to stay with her… but it wouldn’t change my love for her.
And if you don’t understand THAT kind of love… then you are a victim of the FALSE loves of the mind… you’re a victim of the illusionary loves that are not holy… they are not divine… and they are leading you astray… and away from your true nature… and we need to introduce you to the unconditional love and unconditional compassion of Spirit.
But for now… we’re outta time.
Your homework for this week. Go do a kindness for someone who you don’t feel is worthy of that kindness. Pick someone you don’t like… and GO OUT OF YOUR WAY… to do something nice for them. Share them some love that cannot be generated by your brain, and probably isn’t being generated by your body. See if it doesn’t activate something within you that is based in Spirit.
I bet it will. If you have the courage to do it.
Next… go download the audio book The Science of Enlightenment by Shinzen Young. Shinzen is an American meditation teacher, and in this book he speaks about the practices of meditation and the path to enlightenment… and he explains how control of the mind becomes easier with the exercise of that discipline. Shinzen is one of the authors that gets it from a 50,000 foot view, and I think this is a great book on enlightenment and living a higher existence… and it comes from a pragmatic plain-terms perspective. You can get it for free at http://www.AudibleTrial.com/IAMSpirituality . Audible is awesome. They have over 85,000 titles to choose from. You can listen at the gym, in the car, while cleaning the house… whenever. AudibleTrial.com/IAMSpirituality.
You can find us on Twitter at Twitter.com/IAMSpirituality, or touch base on Facebook… Facebook.com/IAMSpirituality. We’re having a give-away if you like the page… fairly soon… like before next episode… so get there ASAP.
Next week… we’re going to address the difference between Happiness and Joy, and why everyone in the world is chasing happiness, and maybe shouldn’t be.
We almost have all the basics covered people. Start sending me questions that you would like to have answered anonymously. I will knock your socks off. Sean@IAMPodcast.com. See you next week. Peace.
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